You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I just want to press pause for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. Them: Yeah, I like this too, and if you want to have dry sex, I could be down with that, but that all by itself is great for me, too. Just keep me posted with any changes if you start to feel differently, and I’ll do the same. Alternate Conversation: You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I want to stop for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. (keeps kissing) You: Whoah: it’s really important to me that I take a minute now, so I need you to do that, too. You: You know, if we can’t do things like just take a minute to check in and lay down some boundaries and ground rules – and that’s all I needed to do – while this felt really good, I don’t want to keep going with it. If you’re ready to talk about this another time, you can call me. I’ve been having the hardest time talking about what I like and what I don’t. You: I’d like to keep making out, and I’m probably comfortable with some dry sex if you are, but I know I don’t want to go further than that this soon. You: You know what, let’s stop for a minute and talk.Them: Well, I embarrass myself in front of you almost every day and you still like me.And my feelings shouldn’t be hurt about what you like and you don’t: if they are, that’s my thing to deal with, not yours.
And I’d never ditch you because you don’t want to do that: I care about you for way more reasons than this. Who knows, I might feel different later on, and if I do, I’ll let you know, okay? By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you something, too. Them: This is hard for me, but…oh god, I just don’t know how to say this. Them: I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss sex with you, I do, but I’m happy to do any or all of those things. I’m not going anywhere, after all, and I know you’d be understanding with me if I was in the same spot. You: It seriously is, but you know, I’m feeling a little better about it already, just because you’re being so great about this. The world isn’t ending, but it’s a pretty big deal. I know we haven’t really talked about what those things are before, so some of that is my fault, but I want to talk about them now. You: You’re really quiet, and I know that’s probably because your feelings are hurt: I never wanted to hurt your feelings, and I’ll understand if you’re upset for a while or I need to earn some trust back.You: No, I don’t think it’s a one-day thing anyway.But maybe we could start with some of it today and just take it from there? And, umm…I’m glad you think you want to have sex with me.And since I didn’t what it seems to say about you is that you have a girlfriend who needs to work on speaking up.And until we talk about what I think I’ll like more, I don’t think it makes sense to make this about you, you know?I also want to be sure that we’re on the same page when it comes to stuff like birth control and safer sex before we actually need any of that stuff.