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As he watched the scene unfold, Adam was transfixed, and then quickly revolted; he reached over and stopped the video.It wasn’t like anything he’d witnessed in the two years he’d been viewing child pornography.It can be a confusing time for any of us, but imagine realizing that you’re attracted to little kids. Or is it possible for them to live a life without hurting children at all? I came across a site for self-described pedophiles who acknowledged their attraction and wanted help dealing with it.How do these young men and women negotiate that with no viable role models or support network? But the men I met were in their 50s and 60s, and I’d hoped to speak with someone younger, someone still coming to terms with what he was learning about himself.Until now everything he’d seen seemed to suggest that the kids liked it, but this toddler was clearly in pain.

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The first time we spoke at length about his attractions, we were sitting in his old, beat-up car, in the lot of a park near the house he shares with his parents and two older brothers. Outside the car, locals chatted among themselves while herding frisky Labradors and Weimaraners into the backs of jeeps; two kids roughhoused in the dirt next to us until their father asked them to stop.

He found himself attracted primarily to boys between three and seven and girls aged five to eight.

When I pressed him about what he finds most attractive in a child, he shifted in the car seat from side to side, and eventually managed to say: “Small body, hairless legs, you know, things like that…

Seeing that toddler trussed up and in pain confirmed something he’d long suspected but now had to acknowledge.

The man in the video was one of those guys they sometimes talked about on the news.

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